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Dear Ted #38

I just counted on my fingers.  It's almost been six months.  I can't even believe that.  It's gone by so fast and so slow.

I've been dealing with a lot of depression the last couple of days.  I think it stems from  the fact that I just closed on the new mortgage.  That little link was the last one with our names together.  The jeep is gone.  The mortgage is refinanced in just my name.  Crazy to think that you are being erased from my life that way.  Just legally, not in my memories.

I had a hard time the other day.  I decided to take down the rest of your clothes, so I could finish painting in the closet.  I packed up the things I wanted to keep.  Then I started with the clothes that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with.  Either give to Rustie's dad or Rodger.   One of the shirts I gave you our very first Christmas was there.  I don't know why, but all  the sudden I just broke down.  It  was down to the depths of my soul bawling that came out of me.  It just made me realize how much I miss you.  I still really haven't come to grips with this. I still keep thinking you will come home.  Then something happens and I realize you won't be.

Things are still crazy.  The state is trying to open back up.  Even though I really haven't been able to hug my grandchildren, I can go get my hair done and will be on Friday.  It's scary.  Nobody knows what is going to happen after we start opening back up.  Is it going to get worse??  I mean, it really hasn't been getting better.

Work is crazy.  I am one of about 60 people who stayed.  I'm  working two flights at the same time.  Running from one gate to the other.  Hoping I don't get exposed.  I was not as good at keeping myself safe this last week as I could have been. I need to improve.

I'm hoping it's beautiful where you are.  I'm hoping you are having great conversations with your dad, with my dad, with Robert.  But, I miss you desperately and I'm really sad that you are no longer with me.  I love seeing your face on my computer every time I open it up and when I close it up.  Your face just makes me happy.  I love you.  And I always will.

#loveyoumissyou

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