Dear Ted #48

 Holy Cow - it's been almost a month since I talked to you.   That is crazy to me.  And I'm sorry.  

Life is just turmoil.  It's a strange time. 

I truly feel like I'm doing nothing all the time.  That I have so much to accomplish, but no energy or want to get busy.  And when I do get to a point that I want to do something, one wrong thing just destroys my desire to accomplish anything.  Take the master bedroom closet.  I got it all painted, the carpet is ripped out to put the flooring in.  I wanted to add a little femininity to it.  I decided I wanted to have a little chandelier or new light put in.  Found this gorgeous light with crystals dropping down.  Started to put it together and there are no instructions really, all these loose crystals with nothing to put it together with.  So - I guess I'm taking it back.  And now I start again.  Blah.  

I think about you a lot.  All the time.  Talk to you hoping you can hear me.  Hoping you're not too mad at me because I am throwing so much stuff away that would have driven you so crazy.  But, damn it, I have no clue what to do with all this shit.  And I want to park in my garage.  I want KayeLynn to park in the garage.  

I hope you stop in on your daughter Dee.  She is a mess.  Her life is a mess.  I think she is an alcoholic.  I think she has some major issues and her marriage is a mess.  I've never liked him.  I think he is at the very least verbally abusive.  When I went to visit a couple of weeks ago, he treated her and Cash like crap.  I was devastated to watch it.  He came in yelling at her because there was stuff on the counter.  She is having a conversation with me and KayeLynn and he comes in yelling at her to clean it up.  What, it couldn't have waited a bit??  Til I was gone??  The asshole who sits and plays video games every waking hour, not one ounce of sociability in him, and he's screaming at her and the kids.  Cash has to load the dishwasher when I'm there.  Gabe has to take out the trash.  Dee has to clean up the counter.  And all of this couldn't wait until I had left.  I don't know.  I don't like him.  I have never really liked him and I'm sad that she is stuck in this horrible life.

Anyway - I miss you every day.  I love you so much.  

#loveyoumissyou