I was writing to you on Facebook, but that felt so public. I decided to start a new blog, so that when I want to talk to you, I could just do it here. It's still public, but not so public that everyone sees it.
It's been over two weeks. I still can't get the image out of my head of you going down and collapsing on the floor. Watching those men do CPR on you and try to keep you alive is ingrained into my psyche. The paramedics shocking you, trying to get your heart started again will always be there in my mind. Watching you in the hospital, while they tried to bring you back. Then finally, the doctor saying they had done all they could, and finally breaking my heart. You were gone. I still keep thinking it's a nightmare, but it's been two weeks and I haven't woke up.
I remember that first date. That first time we met. You messaged me, I called you and you said to me, "let me call you back, I'm working on a carburetor". I should have known then you weren't an average guy. You called me back and we decided to meet at Denny's. I walked in there on October 10, 2004. I saw this guy with a wired headset, talking to someone on the other line. He had these calves that could cut glass. We introduced ourselves, after you got off the phone, and we sat at a booth and drank iced tea and diet coke for about two hours. I think I understood about five minutes of conversation during that two hours. I was absolutely sure there was no way I would ever go out with you again. But, look at us. Fifteen years. Fourteen and a half of them married. I thought it would be so much longer.
I still can't come to grips with the fact that you are gone. I still feel you are going to come home. You are going to come up the stairs. Maybe I don't want to come to grips. Who knows.
#loveyoumissyou
It's been over two weeks. I still can't get the image out of my head of you going down and collapsing on the floor. Watching those men do CPR on you and try to keep you alive is ingrained into my psyche. The paramedics shocking you, trying to get your heart started again will always be there in my mind. Watching you in the hospital, while they tried to bring you back. Then finally, the doctor saying they had done all they could, and finally breaking my heart. You were gone. I still keep thinking it's a nightmare, but it's been two weeks and I haven't woke up.
I remember that first date. That first time we met. You messaged me, I called you and you said to me, "let me call you back, I'm working on a carburetor". I should have known then you weren't an average guy. You called me back and we decided to meet at Denny's. I walked in there on October 10, 2004. I saw this guy with a wired headset, talking to someone on the other line. He had these calves that could cut glass. We introduced ourselves, after you got off the phone, and we sat at a booth and drank iced tea and diet coke for about two hours. I think I understood about five minutes of conversation during that two hours. I was absolutely sure there was no way I would ever go out with you again. But, look at us. Fifteen years. Fourteen and a half of them married. I thought it would be so much longer.
I still can't come to grips with the fact that you are gone. I still feel you are going to come home. You are going to come up the stairs. Maybe I don't want to come to grips. Who knows.
#loveyoumissyou
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