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Dear Ted #23

So I've slowly been going through your stuff.  There is so much of it.  Crystal, Brandon and the kiddos were here yesterday while we went through stuff in the bedroom.  Going through your travel stuff was really hard. So many memories and stuff.  Your soap box, gosh. 

Part of the way through, Crystal got very weepy.  She gets bloody noses when she cries.  So then she got that stinking bloody nose.  She misses you so bad.  She said Chelsea is signed up for volleyball, but it just isn't going to be the same without the number one fan on the bench. 

When we finally loaded up a trailer full of stuff to go to the DI and Crystal, Brandon and the left with it, KayeLynn got all weepy. 

It really is a struggle to go on without you.  Every time I see that photo next to my bed, I just realize that I can't believe you are gone.  That face in that picture is just so much of what I remember of you.  Good hell, I miss you. 

Going through your stuff is hard.  But, it also makes me shake my head and at times makes me giggle. 

I've decided to wean off the Sertraline.  It did a good job of taking away the anxiety caused from your death, but I honestly cannot handle this whole lack of emotions.  Not being able to cry when I want or need to is just unnerving.  I truly have not cried since the week after your funeral.  I went to see Little Women with Crystal, Krystal and Chelsea last weekend.  Everyone around me was sobbing.  I'm like, ah, sad without a tear.  The little old man next to me was even sobbing.  But, not me.  Just dry eyed and nothing.

Well, I just wanted to stop by and say HI.  I haven't written for a while.  I feel your presence sometimes.  That makes me happy.  The whole turd thing was the very best.  :)

#loveyoumissyou

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