OKAY, today was a big day. Your Jeep is no longer in our name. Brandon went and got the financing for it and paid it off. That gave me what I needed to start the process of refinancing our home for thirty fucking years. I can't even take it. It causes me so much stress that I am starting all over with this. That means after living here for fifteen years, I now have to pay for 30 more. I'll be 88 fucking years old when it finally gets paid off. WTF did you do to me??? I know that sounds horrible, but I hate that I am starting all over with this. It means I'll never pay it off. I'll either die or sell. Who the hell knows.
I talked to you on the way home. You really were the perfect match for me. You let me be me. I can't even imagine there is someone else out there for me that matches me like you did. So, I'm not even interested in trying.
I joined two different facebook groups for widows. Both are for people of my age and older. Holy crap, there is one that is all these women who are so depressed, so broken hearted (that I get), so whiney over everything and it's obnoxious as hell. The other one is a bunch of women who are "moving forward". Well, apparently moving forward means looking for a new man. That is just too much for me. I guess I don't get it. I get heart broken. I get sad. I get depressed. I get smiley when I think of certain memories. I laugh when I think of something funny. I go through the emotions. But, I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. I have a life to live. I would never expect you to sit around here and shrivel into nothing. I doubt you want the same for me. I was raised by a strong woman who would get in a motorhome every winter and head to the warm. By herself. Why would I think of being anything but that??
One of the things I miss about you being gone is that you were the one I would tell my stupid, irritating, frustrating etc work stories. So - here ya go, because I need to tell you this one. I worked a mid shift on Saturday. I ended the shift by boarding for Paris. So I'm getting the facial recognition stuff set up and I looked up and this is what I saw:
Yeah, not pretty.
I love you so much. I hope you are at peace.
#loveyoumissyou
I talked to you on the way home. You really were the perfect match for me. You let me be me. I can't even imagine there is someone else out there for me that matches me like you did. So, I'm not even interested in trying.
I joined two different facebook groups for widows. Both are for people of my age and older. Holy crap, there is one that is all these women who are so depressed, so broken hearted (that I get), so whiney over everything and it's obnoxious as hell. The other one is a bunch of women who are "moving forward". Well, apparently moving forward means looking for a new man. That is just too much for me. I guess I don't get it. I get heart broken. I get sad. I get depressed. I get smiley when I think of certain memories. I laugh when I think of something funny. I go through the emotions. But, I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. I have a life to live. I would never expect you to sit around here and shrivel into nothing. I doubt you want the same for me. I was raised by a strong woman who would get in a motorhome every winter and head to the warm. By herself. Why would I think of being anything but that??
One of the things I miss about you being gone is that you were the one I would tell my stupid, irritating, frustrating etc work stories. So - here ya go, because I need to tell you this one. I worked a mid shift on Saturday. I ended the shift by boarding for Paris. So I'm getting the facial recognition stuff set up and I looked up and this is what I saw:
Yeah, not pretty.
I love you so much. I hope you are at peace.
#loveyoumissyou
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