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Dear Ted #35

Just sitting here thinking about you.  I was looking to find  a display box for your flag, the one from your funeral.  I want it special.  Just, right now, can't afford to spend a whole lot.  But, I want to put it up with your ashes and flowers.  Just really want it to be nice and special.  Because that is what you deserve.

But,  it also has me getting a bit irritated.  I started thinking about how few have asked about you.  I know that people don't know what to say.  But, I have not heard one word since Steve left.  Never heard one word from your big boss Paul.  I mean, I even had  to kind of fight to get your vacation time that you earned.   Even your family haven't checked to see how I am right now.  Susan did for a while, but nobody just says, hey how are you doing?  I don't know why, all the sudden, that is  just really upsetting me.  I lost you.  You were part of  me.  I would think that people would at least reach out every once in a while and say, you doing ok?  Especially right now where the world is turning upside down.  Your brother Pat has never said one thing to me.  Not one.  Why is this bothering me all of the sudden??   I have the people in my life that mean the world to me - why should the  people that don't suddenly have that effect on me??

This world is crazy right now.  Part of me is so sad you're not here to see it, because it really is like an apocalypse.  I am terrified of bringing this stupid virus home.  I am absolutely sure that if KayeLynn and/or I get it, we're going to be in the fatal column.  I don't know why I have myself that freaked out about it, but I do.    The other part of me is so glad you are missing this.  I know Costco not having samples would really irk you.

I'm just broken hearted that I cannot go and visit with my other kids and my grandkids.  I was planning to go see Randi and her  family next week.  But, I don't dare now.  I need to wait until this starts clearing up.  Hopefully we peak soon.  But, I think we'll still be worried about it for months.  And then what will be left of our world??

#loveyoumissyou

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