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Dear Ted #10

Oh my good hell, honey bunny, I'm stressed now.  I'm having so much anxiety today I can't even get up off the couch.  So depressed today.  I don't even know how to start this day.

I'm still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that you are gone.  I just keep thinking you'll walk through the door at any minute.  It feels like it was just yesterday that you left, but it seems like years ago.  I am having a real rough time even coming to grips with the reality of it.

On a positive note, my shingles are getting better.

The phone rang with the first bill collector for you.  I don't even know where to start with all of this.  So, I'm just going to wait until you start getting notices and send copies of your death certificate, I guess.  I don't know what else to do.  But, I think that is what caused my anxiety today.  I have no idea how they are going to respond.  Steve has me so worked up over all of this.  So, I'm just afraid of losing everything over what you owe.  I don't want that to sound as bitchy as it does, but damn it, I have no clue how to deal with this.  All I wanted was to make it through the first of the year.  Now I'm going to start getting inundated with calls. 

I can't believe that in four days, you'll be gone a month.  And I'm still not accepting that fact.  I keep expecting you to walk up the stairs.  I keep expecting you to wrap me in that big hug that you used to give me.  You gave the very best hugs!!  DAMN IT!!!  Why did you leave me??

#loveyoumissyou

This was in my memories today on Facebook.  Brought back a lot of
happy memories for me.  You were an amazing man.

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