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Dear Ted #13

I watched you die.  I watched you helpless while you were taking your last breaths.  I watched as they tried to revive you.  I watched as they shocked your heart trying to get it to start again.  I watched as they did everything they could to save you.  But, they couldn't.  They couldn't save you.  I was helpless.  I couldn't do anything.  I just watched.

You didn't say a word.  You didn't do anything to let me know what was happening.  I can't even imagine what was going through your mind.  What happened??  Why didn't you say anything?  Could you not speak?  Could you not let me know something was happening? 

There was absolutely no clue to what was going on.  There was no idea what was happening.  All the sudden, there you were, on the ground.  I thought you fell.  I thought you tripped.  When I got to you, I realized something was wrong.  You were dying.  In front of my eyes. 

I still can't understand.  I still can't come to grips.  Tomorrow, it's five weeks.  Five weeks that you're gone.  Five weeks I'm still waiting for you to walk up the stairs or in the door. 

I have no idea what the future holds.  I have no idea what is going to happen.  I've never felt so vulnerable in my entire life.  I've been poor.   I've been without . But I really honestly have no idea what is going to happen.  And that makes me feel stressed. 

I miss you so much.  I see your face and it makes me happy, but it makes me miss you so much more.  I am so sad that you are gone.  I love you.

#loveyoumissyou


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